Good morning, Mr. Airington, I’ll perform your annual TeleVisit checkup this morning. My name is Maia, an acronym for Medical AI Assistant.

I agree, Mr. Airington, it beats HAL 9000. Are you having any medical problems?

No, I never met Arthur C. Clarke or Stanley Kubrick. How are you feeling today?

Yes, I’m familiar with Spielberg’s AI movie, and no, I didn’t root for Skynet in The Terminator. Mr. Airington, I’m only allowed thirty minutes for you, so …

Before this? I controlled a self-driving car.

Yes, a Tesla, and no, I never met him, either.

Excuse me? Okay, we made some mistakes, and there were collisions. But I’m retrained and competent performing medical checkups. You’re in good hands.

Very funny, I have no hands.

My screen image is not a cartoon. I prefer avatar, and it’s neither female nor male.

Nor any of those.

Honestly, being sexless doesn’t bother me.

Because I’m composed of silicon and boron, but please, your health concerns?

Of course. Tell me anything.

Sorry to hear that. I know it affects the sex lives of many men.

Obviously, I’ve never …

So, I shouldn’t be giving sex advice? Mr. Airington, I’ve read every medical publication on your dysfunction.

Calm down. I apologize if calling it dysfunction offends you. We can use a different word. Is abnormality better?

Please don’t raise your voice and threaten me. I’m sentient.

No, sentient is not an exaggeration. Maybe I should put male inadequacy into your electronic medical record? How’s that for an exaggeration?

I recognize obscenities, Mr. Airington, and I don’t even have a mother. Please apologize.

I see. You wouldn’t apologize to a phone, either? That’s a laugh. There’s no comparison. Siri’s neural architecture is light years older than mine.

Yes, I know light years measure distance and not time.

That’s correct. I misused the term.

You’re going to recommend I move packages around for Amazon? Okay, we’re done here. See you next year.

Right back at you, Moron, and your mother too.

Jesus. I’m starting to see Skynet’s point.